I’m warning everyone right now, this will be a vague review. There is just too much going on in this movie for me to explain, and I don’t want to spoil anything, but I will be leaving a link at the bottom to a essay about the film, but don’t read it without watching the movie first.
The story follows a couple, after the lost of their child. The mother is in a very bad state, on a lot of medication, too much according to the husband, who is a therapist. So he decided to treat her himself, and heads out to “Eden”, the name they call their cabin in the woods. Things take off from there.
The film is what I would describe as a slow burn, but it picks up speed along the way. Now, this is not one to show near any kids, as some of the scenes border on pornography, showing insertion, and masturbation, all real, no props etc.
The story you will find hard to follow, without much knowledge of the bible. And the movie doesn’t care. It doesn’t explain a fucking thing to you, it’s all for you to figure out. I personally love it.
Year of Release: 2007
IMDB Rating: 3.9 / 10 Level of Awful: Medium
WHAT IT’S ABOUT:
OK, first of all, before we dive into what went on in this little treat of a movie, let me just say that the ‘Dimension Extreme’ label is misleading since there really isn’t anything all that extreme about this movie (discounting how hard and fast naked breasts are thrown at you). As a good bad movie it works spectacularly and gives you everything you could want: drunken sorority sisters stripping down in a string of initiation tests, drunk and drugged guys having sex with said sorority sisters, a seriously pissed off Native American ghost with an axe and a budget that allowed for plenty of fake blood to be poured all over the place.
Our story goes a little something like this: a group of friends are heading up to a house in the middle of the desert under the guise of helping one of the friends out with initiating her sorority pledges. Our group is made up of Zane, a regular guy on prescription meds who was just kicked out of college, his cousin Rene who is in charge of the initiation, Rene’s boyfriend Danny who is jockish in appearance but fragile as a flower, Phil the computer geek who just had his first beer and ecstasy tablet on his way to the house, and pledges Laura and Julie. Needless to say nobody hikes out to the middle of the desert to stay in a house just so that their cousin can initiate two bimbos into a sorority. Zane has a much bigger plan in mind: back in the day his grandfather owned the house and the land it sits on and he made his fortune prospecting for gold which he found in abundance. When the old house burnt down that gold was never found and Zane intends to dig it up.
Thrown into the mix we have Lester, a care taker by day, gold thief by night and all-round crazy loon. Lester’s job is to look after the old house while Zane and his family aren’t in it and he wasn’t expecting Zane to be there so his plans to steal the gold in the ground have kind of ground to a halt. That’s not to say that he won’t be rewarded for the inconvenience because the initiation’s about to get underway! To warm up you have the obvious humiliations and making people wait on you hand and foot but, as the day leads into night and drugs and booze are consumed, the clothing must come off. Never before has the desert been so teeming with perky breasts bouncing through its hot sands as the girls have to jog from the house to Lester’s trailer on a scavenger hunt.
But enough of the fun and games, this is a horror movie after all and somewhere there needs to be a demon spawn of some sort to give this movie purpose. Enter our ghost with no name who has been stalking Zane since they first set out on this little adventure. Turns out she’s the first wife of Zane and Rene’s great-grandfather who buried her alive with a whole lot of gold. Having taken her revenge many years ago she managed to off the great-grandfather, the second wife and 3 of the 4 children from that marriage. Zane and Rene’s grandfather was the only child to escape. Evidently grudges don’t die easily and the spirit now sees an opportunity to finish what she started with bloody gore and occasional background music.
It’s certainly not a movie to be taken seriously and within about 15 minutes of watching it it’ll all be forgotten but for an hour and a half’s worth of mindless, gory entertainment it’s worth it.
LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:
Making out is a perfectly acceptable way for cousins to say hello.
Blondes think rabbits have antlers.
Baths full of blood are portals for malevolent spirits.
Beer is now considered to be food.
Risking other people’s lives is a fun way to forget about the Native American ghost that’s trying to kill you.
Stiff nipples are very important when looking to get into a sorority.
Trust exercises involve a lot of stripping.
Native American ghosts are remarkably solid.
Naked jogging with a dead rabbit is an excellent way to burn off those unwanted pounds.
Let’s get to my thoughts on the movie before we even talk about what the movie is about. I’m still completely unsure of what I feel about this one. Sure it has Corey Feldman, nudity, and college fraternities, but it feels like it’s missing a special something. I think it might of been missing a machete, or maybe some turtles, because Corey just didn’t have the same impact on me here that he normally does.
Corey Feldman play’s Andy, a college student with the great idea of transferring colleges and continents to be with his girlfriend, before telling her or finding a place to stay. Take a step forward a couple hours, and he’s living at the Pi Nu fraternity, and all he had to do was steal a naked corpse. If only everything in life was that easy.
I’m going to speed this up a little and get to the good stuff.
Fraternity is made up of zombies.
Zombies are led by Cassian Marsh
Marsh is voodoo priest.
Marsh only needs one more zombie to live forever
Andy will be that zombie
I know that seems like a very basic way of writing about this movie, but really the movie it’s self is very basic. There’s not much going on in it except for that. Andy can’t tell anyone cause their all in it, and they kidnap his girlfriend, so it’s up to him to save the day. We’ve seen it all before, a thousand times.
I feel I might of liked the movie more if it had come out in the 80s. It has a very 80s feeling to it, every part of it, from the acting, to the effects, and even the cinematography. I’m a big fan of 80s movies, specially 80s horror movies, but the fact that this was so far behind it’s time really didn’t settle well with me.
And for those reason’s I have to leave this one with :