Tag Archives: drugs

Trailer Park Of Terror (2008)

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What does drugs, Asian massage, deals with the devil, and deep fried jerky all have in common? Well that’s an easy one, they’re all at the Trailer Park Of Terror!

Trailer Park Of Terror is an odd movie, based on a comic which is more then likely odder, but I haven’t read it. It’s a movie about a zombie trailer park, filled with gore, sex, and hit or miss humor. So why don’t you sit down with me for a minute and we’ll take a look inside.

The film starts with Norma, a sweet trailer park slut trying to leave the trailer park with her boyfriend. He see’s her for the good in her, and doesn’t care about any of the rest, isn’t that sweet. But through some very witty dialog we’re shown just how shitty life is in the trailer park, since all the people in it are absolute assholes, who get her lover killed. This leads Norma to make a deal with a very well acted devil, go back to the trailer park, kill everyone, and burn it down with her inside. Ouch.

Jump forward 20-30 years, we’re following a bus of troubled teens, and their youth pastor who have the misfortune of crashing just outside of the trailer park. But wait, didn’t I just say it was burned to the ground? That’s right, I did, but it’s back. As they go to look for help they come across Norma, and the ghoulish trailer park inhabitants. Will they make it through the night, or will they never again leave the Trailer Park Of Terror?

I like this film, but just barely, it borders on the line. Now that being said, you’ll be expecting a 50ish rating, but no. The reason it borders on the line is the humor, it’s very very sexual. We’re talking hand jobs to corpses, rape, abuse, prostitution, and more, and it’s all done in a comedic way. I found some of it funny, but it really felt like they just keep throwing it at you for shock value, and I got bored of it quickly. Besides that it really is a fun movie.

There is a lot of gore in this one, but none of it is realistic. There’s your dismemberment, and people being eaten, shot etc.  But one scene did seem to stand out above the rest. One of the ghouls, is making jerky out of one of the teens, cuts off his skin, and shoves it in his mouth. The way the skin looked, was quite disgusting. That is followed up by the kid, now completely skinned, being deep fried alive.

The acting in this movie is nothing special from the teens or Norma, but the other members of the Trailer Park Of Terror ( sorry I just love that name) are acted out quite well, and are always a treat when their on the screen.  Even the guy who constantly plays guitar on the roof of his trailer. At least the songs are good.

Check this one out if your in the mood to turn your mind off, and just watch some ghouls wreck havoc on some kids.

Score – 69%
Gore – 9/10

Autopsy (2008)

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I should learn not to read imdb before watching a film. I am almost obsessed with reading what blood and gore is in a movie before I watch it. Mind you I don’t do this to movies that look like the have value on their own, just gore flicks. IMDB told me that Autopsy should be rated NC-17 not R, so I was excited for the bright red and chunky. I don’t think it delivered.

Our story follows a car of 20-somes who get into a car accident. Before anyone has even figured out whats going on, an ambulance arrives, with some shady paramedics. They go back to the hospital, and the fun starts. Is the hospital really what it seems? If so where is all the staff? Why won’t they explain anything?

The story, or the characters for that matter, or the writing, isn’t the strong point of this one. The story is quite plain, the characters are fucking stupid, except for the doctor played by Robert Patrick, but the gore is quite nice. That’s what I was here for anyway, I mean it’s called Autopsy, and has the big red 18A on the back. The gore was done nice, but it’s also done really quickly, and a lot of the deaths seemed to just come and go, I was really disappointed.

Now, I said the characters were stupid, but I really have to re-enforce this. The characters make decisions that only Horror Movie Characters would make. That is to say, unrealistic choices that no sane human would make. It’s your run upstairs instead of out the front door times a hundred.

Still, I`d say give it a shot, Robert Patrick is always fun to watch, and the gore that you see is quite fun. Just don`t expect too much.

Score – 70%
Gore – 8/10

Hobo With A Shotgun (2011)

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Now, today is the first non-horror movie I have reviewed, but it’s a call back to classic exploitation films, and it’s been on every horror fans list of movies to see, so I don’t feel guilty about this. Before I get into this I want to say, I have not watched any of the special features yet, so I can’t get into the nitty gritty about how they pulled this off.

The story is quite plain, but that’s fine, all we want is to see a hobo get a shotgun. The story that’s there  follows an unnamed hobo played by Rutger Hauer ( how they got him involved is a mystery to me, but I’m damn glad), who hops a train into Hope Town. Misleading name if I ever heard one, Hope Town is run by drugs, and violence, and nothing else. For example, we see many people being beat and murdered, children being abducted, and plenty of prostitutes. Even every cop is dirty. There’s no hope left in the town.

The Hobo wants nothing more then to buy a lawnmower, and make money cutting grass, a simple dream. But when he finally has enough money, he has to make the choice between a shotgun to clean up the town, or a lawnmower to make money. Since this isn’t called Hobo With A Lawnmower, I think we all know the choice that’s made.

The acting is pretty bad, but it’s perfect for the movie, so it’s an odd line it walks. A lot of over-acting takes place, but for the most part, it’s fun, and since the movie’s so over the top, why shouldn’t the acting be? Speaking of over the top, the gore. Jesus, this movie makes Inside look like a walk through the park. It’s got that 70s gore going on, you know, constant squirting, dismemberment, etc. Every bit of violence has over the top gore to go with it, and if your a fan of practical effects, you’ll love it.

While I liked the movie, I had a hard time watching it. It was filmed in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, a city I use to spend quite a lot of my time in, since I just lived across the bridge in Halifax. I felt the  violence really resonated with me, it felt like the way the city has been going lately, just a little more over the top.  That’s the key with this movie, Over The Top, and if you don’t like your films to just go balls to the wall you won’t like this one.

I’m not going to recommend this one to everyone, there is a lot of disturbing scenes involving kids, and the gore is just constant. But if your a fan of dark, over the top, and gritty movies, or just plain our exploitation films, check it out.

Score – 75%
Gore – 10/10

Subhuman (2004) Guest Review By B-Horror Blog

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Year of Release: 2004
Genre: Horror
IMDB Rating: 4.1 / 10
Level of Awful: High

WHAT IT’S ABOUT:

Horror fans are a resilient people. We take huge risks every time we put a DVD in and press play. The hardened horror fan is no stranger to disappointment, nor are we scared to look a movie with no discernable plot, budget or sober director in the face and laugh. We will live to fight another day, we will know what to do when the zombie apocalypse happens and we will continue to rent movies that shouldn’t be allowed to see the light of day. Sorry, the incessant barrage of flowery and philosophical dialogue in SubHuman has gotten to me. Let me try again: this movie was crap. Not the good crap, just crap. The crap that would make you beat the movie to a bloody pulp if it came wrapped in flesh and bone. No matter which way I put it, I’m not sure I can quite describe just how irritating this movie was.

So it turns out, unbeknownst to most of the people on Earth, that a new branch of humans have been busy evolving over the past few thousand years. You can’t really tell who they are because they look just like us, they dress just like us and they speak just like us. The only difference is that they eat a little bit differently to us in that they eat… us. This new strain of humans has no stomach and needs to deliver its food source directly into its bloodstream. To help it do this it has an extra little extendible mouth tube thing down its throat that it pops out when it has prey. It then injects a kind of enzyme into our blood to make it easier to absorb and then they drain us dry. They’re kind of like vampires but without the teeth or debilitating fear of the sun. Having evolved these hunting techniques they appear to have gotten together at some enormous getaway (I imagine a beach was involved) and decided that the time has come to claw their way up to the top of the food chain. It’s kind of like an evolutionary hostile takeover.

Of course the human race isn’t just sitting idly by and being picked off bit by bit; we have an angry, angry little man trying to save all of us! Now I believe in giving credit where credit is due so I will say that he’s incredibly useful with a knife and can hack through bone like it was butter. That said I imagine he was the kid in school that nobody really wanted to talk to and to compensate he learned every single significant quote every uttered throughout the annals of time so that he could repeat them to himself for comfort during the lonely hours at night. The only problem with that plan was that, while he learned the quotes, he never really understood what they meant and just went about stringing them together whenever someone spoke to him. 30 years later he’s still doing it while he goes about hunting down these creatures, which makes things tricky since he is the main character but most of the time you would rather jam toothpicks through your eardrums than listen to him say anything else that’s meant to show what a dark and complex character he is.

How does all this come together to form a movie is what you’re probably asking at this point. Well while Martin (dark and complex boy) is out hunting one night one of the creatures escapes and he gives chase. Just as he’s about to catch her he’s knocked down by a young couple, Julie and Ben, who he convinces to take him home rather than to a hospital. Ben, deciding that Martin’s place is too dirty, takes him back to their house instead. This act of kindness means that the creatures will not only be hunting for Martin but also for the young couple. For some reason neither Ben nor Julie really believes the ranting Martin about vampiric humanoids coming after them, but being good sports they keep him well stocked with illicit drugs and alcohol until the creatures come knocking at the door. Ben and Julie need to decide what it is they’re going to believe about the situation they find themselves in and Martin has to decide whether or not he’s going to help them live through it.

So yeah, that’s SubHuman in a nutshell. Sorry for the rant, just needed to get all that off my chest J

LIFE’S LESSONS LEARNED:

 

  • Knowing the true definition of evil makes you better than other people.
  • The kindness of strangers usually ends up putting their lives in terrible danger.
  • Anyone out to save mankind needs to speak in constant flowery prose.
  • Flies that are bred not knowing that they will die can live for thousands of years.
  • Buying illegal narcotics in bulk will get you an enormous discount.
  • Vampiric humanoid parasites make excellent psychologists.

Want more b-grade goodness? Head on over to The B-Horror Blog.

The Curse Of El Charro (2005)

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I’ve talked about some bad movies ( Red Hook Anyone?),  and I’ve talked about some damn good movies, but I’m not sure I’ve ever talked about a good bad movie. You know, the kind you’d see on B-Horror Blog, in the Medium rating. What makes it good? What makes it bad? Well, that’s what your still reading for right?

The story is pretty simple, Maria keeps having nightmares and visions of her sister, who committed suicide, which leaves her as our troubled main character. Her friend decides to take her on a vacation, down to a nice party house, equipped with pool, hot tub, and some nice bongs.

Along the way there, we’re introduced to the victims of the movie. The slutty black girl who blows a cop, the moody goth chick who does a lot of drugs, and Maria’s friend, who is your all around nice girl. All the victims are pretty cut and paste stereotypes, meaning we’ve seen them all before, and know what to expect, the slut will die, the nice girl will live, ect.

The movie is a slasher of course, so we’ve got to meet a couple more victims at a bar in order to up the body count later on. We meet the nice guy, the Stoner, the stoner’s friends, the ex-girlfriend bitch. Now we have a nice little crew of people to die in half assed slasher ways.

The killings them self range from pretty sweet ( like the lesbian sex/death/shower scene)  to pretty much shit ( like the open door cut away slash death). The acting is nothing to write home about either, no one in the piece is that skilled, some worse then others ( like the ex-girlfriend who constantly swears and threatens people, even after having her hand cut off), while others are able to have some fun, even if they arn’t the best ( like the stoner, my favorite).

The movie also tries to do some really interesting things, which work surprisingly well. For example, when Maria gets the back story on the curse and the killer, it’s told to her through a silent movie piece of editing, which was surprisingly fun to watch.

There’s a lot of dumb moments in the film though. You come across a car with it’s four ways on the side of the road, with the door open, turns out it’s your friends, so you invite them over. Pretty simple, makes sense. But why would you drive away, leaving their car door still open and the lights on? A lot of moments like this populate the film, and really take away from it, but it’s hard to hold it against the film.

So over all, I liked the movie, even if it does have it’s share of problems, and an Deus Ex Machina ending, I still recommend it, but only to fans of horror movies, and not just good movies.

Score – 70%
Gore – 7/10 ( god help them they tried.)