Monthly Archives: August 2011

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

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I watch a lot of bad movies. When you watch a horror movie a day, your bound to come across a few, and that’s alright you expect it. But when I re-watch a movie I loved as a kid, only to see how truly weak it is. That hurts.

The film starts off with a dream sequence of our main character, Julie James, played by Jennifer Love Hewitt, in a church, telling the story of the first movie. Don’t worry, if you miss it this time around, she’ll do it again later just to make sure your all caught up.  Julie, having survived the events from the first film, has left her small home town, and her love interest, Ray, played by Freddy Prinze Jr, behind for college life. She has new friends, that consist of the annoying black roommate, the annoying black roommates boyfriend, and the new guy Will Benson. The black roommate wins a trip to Bahamas, by answering a question wrong, and Julie invites Ray to go. He turns her down, but changes his mind and decides to spend the night driving up, but gets attacked by The Fisherman, and doesn’t make it, so Julie takes Ben instead. Once there, ready for fun in the sun, they learn that it’s the start of storm season there, and all transportation off the island is canceled, leaving The Fisherman to hunt as he pleases.

Now, I’m going to get into spoilers, but really if you haven’t seen the film already, your not going to. Or at least I hope your not going to.

The Fisherman’s plan was as follows: Have his son Will ( Get it Benson? Ben son!) become friends with Julie. Buy four tickets to the Bahamas for when storm season starts. Set up a fake radio contest in order for them to win said tickets. Make sure Ray can’t make it in time so that Julie has to take Ben. Head to the Bahamas yourself, where you can now pick off everyone involved. Fucking genius. I would of just got Will to stab her, problem solved, just find an alley way.

This film is truly horrible, and has just about every cliche you can think of. They include a dancing scene, where the black roommate and boyfriend talk about how good they are at dancing, and then fail to prove it. They have a karaoke scene turn fright fest. and just about every cheap attempt at a jump scare you can come up with. My favorite, and I use that term lightly, is when Julie comes home, grabs a knife, and we get startled with our first interdiction to the annoying black roommate.

There is also a side plot going on about how Ray was going to propose to Julie, and how after he is attacked, he spends the rest of the movie trying to get to her. The best scene of which involves him pawning the engagement ring for a gun, and telling the pawnbroker he’s not going to stand for the waiting period. and still getting the fucking gun!

The acting in the film is terrible. All of the main characters give completely weak performances, Freddy Prince Jr and the black couple, Karla Wilson, and Tyrell Martin, they left a very bad taste in my mouth, on how stereotypical they are portrayed. The best part of the movie comes from two great cameos. One is Jack Black playing an awesome stoner, and you can tell he’s just having fun with the role. The other is Jeffery Combs playing the hotel manager.

Besides for the two awesome cameos, the gore in the movie is well done ,for what little we see. There is quite a bit more gore and kills than in I Know What You Did Last Summer, but at the same time, it feels weaker due to how quickly it moves on past it. You barely have enough time to register what happened, let alone appreciate it.

It’s hard to believe I use to love this movie when I was younger, but it’s been 12 years since I seen it, so I’m willing to forgive myself, if I have been able to turn any of you away.

Score – 5% – And that’s just for Jack Black and Jeffery Combs
Gore – 5/10

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)

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 If there’s one thing I hate about movies, it’s trailers. It seems that they never do a film justice, either giving away to much, or giving the wrong impression of the film your about to see. I blame DBAOTD’s trailer for the later.

 The story follows Sally, a young girl who’s mother ships her off to live with her father, Alex, and his new girl Kim, in the house they are  restoring.  Sally happens to find a window in the garden, and discovers a basement, so of course, they tear out a wall blocking the entrance going down. This has the terrible luck of unleashing little monsters who like to feed on children’s teeth though.

While the movie is indeed quite fun to watch, it is nothing like I thought it would be. I haven’t seen the original, so I was just going off the trailers, and the trailer I had seen made it look like a jump fest, even going so far as to making some friends of mine scream. But the movie it’s self is very light on scares, with the only real jump being shown in the trailer already! Aside from the wrong impression I got, the movie is indeed quite a blast to watch, the little creatures that are after Sally are awesome in the way they move and attack.

  The effects in the movie are quite good, the creatures are entirely CGI, and it’s fun to watch them swarm a victim.  The part of the effects that stand out most would have to be the gore though. While there isn’t very much gore in the movie, what you get is a treat for the eyes, my favorite being a broken leg near the end of the movie that will make just about anyone cringe.

 Now onto the acting. Sally is played by the young Bailee Madison, who is one of the few child actors who I think can really act, and I hope to see her go far. Katie Holmes plays the very likable Kim, and while I dislike Katie Holmes, I found myself not minding her in the role of Kim, but that might just be because the character of Kim is written as the hero. Guy Pearce plays Sally’s father, Alex, and while he does a good job in the role, I fucking hate Alex. All three of the main characters are very well done, and don’t make those decisions that go against characters which ruin many horror films. The supporting cast, what little there is, are quite likable. I even think Del Toro is in the background in the start on the airplane, but I can’t say for sure only seeing it once.

 So, would I say run out and see  Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark in theaters? No not really, as much as I like to support horror in cinema, it just wasn’t worth the price these days. But would I say avoid it? Absolutely not, it’s worth the time, being well written and well acted.

Score – 70%
Gore – 7/10 

 

The Thing (1982)

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It’s hard to review something everyone has seen. While most everyone who will read this has seen The Thing, and know right away what kind of score it will be getting, I’m going to approach this as if you the reader, has not. To which I say, get the fuck off my review and go watch it!

The Thing is the story of an Antarctic research base, while on a day just like any other, a Norwegian helicopter lands by them, the people inside shooting at a dog that runs to the Americans at the base to hide. Shooting one of the Americans, they kill the Norwegian, and take the dog in. Among checking out the Norwegian base, they find that the Norwegians have made a discover in the ice, of a ancient spaceship. Long story short, the dog is really an alien who can take the shape of any form, a perfect clone, unable to tell who is human and who is alien.

While it sounds like it could be a downright cheezy film, The Thing is one of the best cases of paranoia in film, since the original Alien movie. There is an almost palpable air of paranoia coming out of the tv screen when viewing the movie, which is one of it’s strongest points, with all the characters going crazy in their own little ways.

Even more so than the paranoia, this film is best known for it’s creature effects. The creature effects in the movie are so badass, and I haven’t seen anything like them recreated since. It’s even more impressive that this came out in ’82, and still looks amazing today. You have heads growing legs, and moving like spiders, stomachs opening up into mouths, it’s nuts.

I don’t normally talk about the score in films, but as with any John Carpenter movie, you can expect a haunting score, that really makes it’s self known. There is a scene when they are at the Norwegian base, looking at hollowed out ice, and the score keeps getting louder and louder as the camera pans, it’s really something to be heard.

All of the characters are believable and well acted, which is good because otherwise  the movie wouldn’t be near as good as it is. The highlight is of course Kurt Russell, who plays a helicopter pilot who steps up into the role of leader when times get tough. I really loved his character,

So if your still reading this, what the hell is wrong with you, go watch The Thing.

Score – 99%
Gore – 10/10

Monster Mondays : The Children

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Kids are creepy. It’s a fact, and while you may think your little one is an angel, it doesn’t change the fact that they are still creepy. Thankfully there are few kids as creepy as The Children from The Village Of The Damned.

  During a blackout that left the town of Midwich unconscious for several hours, ten women end up pregnant. Being paid by the government to keep the babies, nine months later, nine are born healthy, with one being a still born.

The Children are anything but normal, with scientist Susan Verner discovering that they are the last remaining survivors of an emotionless race. All are gifted with platinum blonde hair, pale skin, and impressive intelect. They also have psychic powers, that when used, cause their eyes to glow a variety of different colors.

The kids have no understanding of pain, leading them to use their powers to inflict pain on the people who cause it to them. This leads them to cause many a death, without needing to lift a finger. All it takes is to implant a suggestion of suicide into the mind of someone, and they do themselves in for you.

The Children do have one weakness though, concentrated thought. If you concentrate hard enough, their powers of suggestion and mind reading can be blocked out for some time. It’s the perfect opportunity to say, plant a bomb.

  Next time your watching your child play, and you see a glow in their eye, don’t be so sure to think it’s just the sun.

Horror In The Ink : Halloween 01

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It’s a little known fact that I am a huge fan of comics. While I may lean more towards Deadpool and The Darkness, I have a huge place in my heart for horror comics. Anything based on an existing series, to any original story with a slight dark spin, I eat it all up. To start out I’d like to talk about Halloween 01.

While it started out intended to be a one shot (single issue), the Chaos Comics produced Halloween comic spawned two sequels, and together they tell the story of Tommy Doyle ( the kid that Laurie was babysitting) as he reads the diary of Sam Loomis, and learns more of the back story of Michael. The first issue involves Tommy getting the diary, and shows us the story of Michael’s stay at a Sanitarium under the watch of Dr. Loomis.

While Rob Zombie’s Halloween remake had a strong focus on Michael as a kid, the differences between the back stories presented play out quite different. In the movie Michael seemed like a happy, yet disturbed boy, while in the comic Michael is always silent, not showing emotion. In the movie, Michael also had his own room, while in the comic he shares a room with four other boys, who all seem to have terrible accidents or commit suicide. Dr. Loomis is the only person who suspects Michael though, and while I’d like to talk more on how the back story plays out, it’s all we’re given in this issue.

Back in the time of Tommy Doyle, who’s been reading about all this, Michael decides to come for a visit. The comic ends with a strikingly similar scene to the ending of the Original 1978 film. This time, instead of being shot out the window, Michael is lit on fire, and falls out, only to be missing when Tommy looks out to the ground below. With Tommy swearing to himself to see Michael dead no matter what, we’re left with a cliff hanger that almost begs you to grab for the next issue.

The artwork on display in this issue is very simple. There is not as much detail in the characters faces, or the objects in either the back or foreground. It’s not to be taken as a negative on the comic though, you won’t find yourself staring at the pictures, trying to make out what is happening, as you would with the art in some of the comics I will be talking about in the weeks to come. Because of this, your able to really read through the story as if your eyes were on fire, and soak it all in with relative ease.


 So if your like me, a Myers fan boy, you owe it to yourselves to track down a copy of Chaos! Comic’s  Halloween 01, and see a much more chilling, and much much more evil take on the childhood of Michael Myers.